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dear diary (a post about race and self-hatred, kind of)
i got caught up in reading the comments thread on this site earlier today, http://beforeandafro.com/2012/10/17/dear-human-beings/, which is essentially a discussion about the ignorance in america regarding racism.
it actually really moved me to hear some of the stories some of the commenters told about growing up as an african-american girl in the us, how they hated their hair and skin tone, and just wanted to look white.
i’m obviously not african-american, but i am multi-ethcnic - half ecuadorian (which in itself is a mixture of native american, spanish, portuguese, & sometimes african) and half ashkenazi jewish. thinking about being 4 or 5 and crying over not having blonde hair and whiter skin, literally thinking that the dark-skinned dolls were UGLIER than the blonde ones (i only played with the blonde ones), and then a bit later being bullied in the us schools by the rich white kids and the rich jewish kids for being too dark, poor, and having a funny last name (it’s actually wishnia-peña), but also bullied by the rich kids in the ecuadorian schools (i went to kindergarden there) for befriending the darker skinned (re: poorer) kids (um, because they weren’t snotty little shitheads?), where i got constant threats to “go back home or else” and was told a plethora of other nasty things.
well, i got really riled up thinking about how this stuff unknowingly affected me as a kid, and i came home and started crying. i haven’t thought about some of this stuff in forever, and i guess there’s lots of very buried anger about it. to think that i had such self-hatred at one point, so young in my life. now, i’ve learned so much about who i am, and who other people are, from the friggin’ internet. sites like this, where courageous people intelligently talk about the issues behind racism, class, privilege, sexism, and other cultural/historical forms of prejudice happening today. i’ve discovered prejudices (and privileges) i didn’t even realize i had, until hearing other people speak on their personal experience with these issues.
it feels really good to fucking learn things about your world’s culture and history, and i want to learn and know more. i got some interesting-looking reading and viewing material from the comments thread of that site, and am always happy to hear more! (audio books are the best though because then i can listen to them at work … haha)
anyway i just felt like writing about that since it was on my mind. to note though, if you haven’t noticed that i am very touchy about racism, sexism, and other forms of bigotry, especially in the comics world (since that is the world i live in!), well, now you know. don’t fuckin’ bring that shit into my house!!!
now back to comics??